Relationship

What Is Commitment in Relationships?

2011-04-06T15:57:00.000+01:00

The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.
In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.
COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE
I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."
We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.
OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?
In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.
When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.
Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:
PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a specific act.
- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time - I promise to be exclusive in our relationship
COMMITMENT: Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.
- I am committed to keeping my promises - I am committed to our relationship
In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.
A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.
CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT
Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.
The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"
When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.
I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.
IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE -NOT- IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:
1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed
2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed
3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship
4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship
5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way
6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept
A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.
And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.
CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT
Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.
Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?
FACT VS. ATTITUDE
Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.
It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").
It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").
In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.
In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.
Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-
UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.
CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.
CONCLUSION
So, when is a relationship committed?
-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.
What creates the "fact" of commitment?
I propose these three criterion:
CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept
CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration
CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others
In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.
I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.

5 Reasons Love Takes Six Months In A New Relationship

2011-03-30T17:54:00.003+01:00

Love takes time. A minimum would be six months of dating to even accurately say "I love you." What about love at first sight and all the other miracle attractions of life, cinema and fiction? They are the exceptions, often rare if successful, to the Rule -- Love takes Six Months. Why? You cannot love someone you do not know and it takes time to get to know someone. Dating is a euphoric state in which each party wants the other to like them. So everybody is on good behavior, trying to empress, hoping weaknesses don't show through to soon, taking extra care with appearance and niceties. Over time you see a person at their best and worst. Specifically pay attention to relationships with family members, attitudes about ex's and others of your gender. Then just before you utter the "L" word ask these nine questions about yourself and the other person:
1. What is the dating history?
One pattern to look at is too much/too little. Beware of the person who has been " in love" a lot. Such a person may be in love with the idea of being in love and continues to move one warm body in after another. Or there is such a fear of loneliness someone has to be in their life. Or there is strong emotional neediness to be loved or to love that a vacuum is abhorred. People who have never dated or dated very little likely know very little about the skills necessary to sustain an ongoing intimate relationship. Or the person is jumping on the first person who shows interest in them to escape a bad home, relationship or life circumstance i.e. broke, unemployed, debt, etc.
2. What is the roommate history?
Most of the time roommates voluntarily select each other. Get this history early in the dating process, because once people think you are "serious" you may not hear the truth. Beware of a person who has had four different roommates in two years. Is the person irresponsible by not paying a share of the bills on time? Or rude or unthoughtful by playing music loud when a roomie has a big deadline or a project. Talk to short term roommates about issues of disrespect, dishonesty, or selfish, narcissistic behavior.
3. Are there any family issues?
Is there a family history of abuse -- verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual? These abuses can leave feelings and reactions that fast forward into here and now relationships. People can overcome these abuses, but it often requires therapy, hard personal work, and/or patient supportive healthy relationships. Carefully consider a family history of addictions, mental illness, or divorce. This is not an exhaustive list but certainly include those issues most often discussed as problematic. These issues, if present, do not have to be a deal breaker for a relationship but should be carefully considered as to there impact on a marriage, children, in-laws and your future.
4. What is the history of friendships?
Friendships tell volumes about a person's ability to get along in the broadest universe of relationships. Harry Stack Sullivan, eminent American psychiatrist, believed even the most horrible hurts in childhood could be overcome with a good friend in a process he called "chumship." Have friendships lasted since childhood or adolescence? Are most of these people emotionally healthy, leading productive lives, and have stable relationships. A yellow caution light ought to go off in your head if someone you are dating only has crazy, messed up friends. Or if the person tends to have a new best friend and all past friends are trivialized or hated. At the least it may mean extensive use of cutoff or alienation if the person is hurt, at the worst it could mean use of splitting which indicates a character disorder.
The first four questions ask about history. The answers are usually in the form of observable, countable facts. Some say love is blind. Well it sure can be dumb if we don't ask important sometimes hard questions.
5. Are each of you happy persons?
One of the myths in our culture is I can marry happiness. If I find Mr./Ms. Right I'll be happy! Wrong! Each person carries happiness within the self. Imagine its a bucket within your personality. Whatever has happened to you for good creates a reservoir of happiness. Whatever has happened to you for bad creates holes in your bucket. Life is the challenge of patching the holes and keeping the bucket filled within. No amount of someone pouring goodies and love form the outside will keep you happy long if the holes remain unpatched.

Relationship Advice - Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

2011-03-24T13:57:00.000Z

Affairs, including emotional affairs, are typicall unplanned events. Even when we are on that slippery slope, we convince ourselves everything in OK.
"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your relationship and marriage.
But over and over in my office and on the phone I hear it: "We are just friends, there is nothing going on."
The majority of extramarital affairs begin as "just friends." While it is certainly true that there are affairs that begin with impulsive one-night stands with a stranger, the most common ones that I see begin as "just friends." In fact, if you find yourself thinking or saying "but we are just friends" you are probably already in trouble.
Gary Rosberg of America's Family Coaches states that there are at least 19 stages a person will pass through on the way to physically consummating an extramarital affair. There are at least two important notions that we can lift from Rosberg's statement:
1) At each and every one of the 19 steps, you have a clear choice between going further down or stopping the process. In other words, these things don't "just happen."
2) An affair - by the way, I hate that term!
It makes it sound like it is this wonderful experience with no consequences ... as in "It was a grand affair." In my marital counseling and relationship coaching experience, adultery breaks up marriages, wrecks families and crushes kids.
Anyway, now that my rant is over, an affair becomes adultery long before the physical act. In fact, emotional affairs can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical affairs.
The late Shirly Glass was a pioneer in the area of emotional affairs. In her 2003 book "NOT Just Friends: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal," Glass identifies three red flags that indicate that you have progressed from a safe friendship to a romantic emotional affair.
1) You feel closer to your friend than you do your spouse.
You find yourself thinking of this person more and more often and looking forward to the next time you are together. When something happens during the day, the first person you think of telling is this friend, not your spouse.
2) Keeping secrets.
You no longer feel comfortable telling your spouse about this person. You begin to cover up so as not to be found out.
3) An increasing sexual tension.
You admit your attraction for each other, but promise (complain) that you can never act on it. You fantasize what it would be like to be with this person. This helps to create a pretend world where everything would be wonderful if the two of you could just be together.
One of the most overlooked and dangerous facts about emotional affairs is that we are all vulnerable. If you believe that this fact does not apply to you, then you are even more vulnerable than everyone else.
How to protect yourself and your relationship
Keep clear boundaries. A boundary is simply what kids mean when they say "don't go there."
Avoid being alone with and/or emotionally close to someone to whom you are attracted.
Talk often about your spouse. "Spouse bashing" does not count. Talk about what you have done lately and what you are looking forward to with your spouse.
If you are going to talk about emotional issues in your marriage, make sure you are talking to your spouse, a trusted friend who is on the side of you and your marriage or a professional who is on the side of your marriage.
Be especially careful at work. More and more emotional affairs are occurring in the workplace. You spend time together, you go through crises together, you solve problems together. Do not make a habit of taking private lunches or breaks with the same person over and over.
Set up a review committee in your mind. Ask yourself, "Would my wife, my mom, my wife's mom, my sister approve of what I am doing right now?" or, "Would my husband, my dad, my husband's dad, my brother approve of what I am doing right now?"
If the answer is no, then I offer you what I call my RLH prescription.
RHL stands for Run Like Hell!
Here is a cold dose of reality: 75 percent of marriages between affair partners result in divorce.
Not at all the result wanted at the beginning of an emotional affair.

The First Step To Fixing Your Relationship

2011-02-23T16:11:00.002Z

Everywhere that I go, I find out about someone having a problem with recognizing or maintaining a fulfilling relationship. The only knowledge that most people have is the knowledge that their parents gave them or that which they obtained from the hard knock life. Unfortunately, this can sometimes be a recipe for relationship disaster!
The first step to getting any relationship back on the right track, is the elimination of your own pride! If you hold anything as being a valuable thing, you must consider your investment in it. The first investment is a willingness to give your time. That particular time can be used to find the proper tools. Be a learner of principle by absorbing from any type of material. The Bible speaks of pride going before a fall. This is a principle that holds true no matter what your belief is. Allow yourself a cooling down period and an opportunity to reflect. Ask your self is the disagreement worth losing your mate. When the answer is no, you should swallow your pride and figure out your humbled approach.
I value my marriage. Therefore, i make it a life long vow to invest in my valued relationship. I invest in books, compacts disks, DVD material, seminars, and whatever becomes available. It is always best to understand the principles of the investment tools that you gather. Understanding principles, show that you have truly learned. That makes for the best investment.
A principle learner has a knack for learning life's principles from just about anywhere. Start learning now. You have a relationship. It's time to fortify it now. Read my blog, and find your principles!

3 Relationship Killers

2011-02-15T11:53:00.000Z

Every relationship starts out with promise. There is excitement and happiness. The union is fresh and new. What could be better? But then time wears on and little problems start to creep up. Perhaps there are genuine issues, but more often than not the things that destroy a relationship can be prevented.
Many relationships start to fall apart as soon as the newness wears off. Maybe the partners thrive on the excitement factor and they don't know what to do when that is gone. Other relationships function fairly well for the first years, but then problems seem to appear. But no matter when the discontent starts, they usually stem from the same sources. These problems that hurt marriages can be prevented, but you need to be aware of them.

You don't talk anymore. Maybe you communicate about everyday things like what is for dinner or what movie to go see. But what about deeper communication? Do you know your partners hopes and dreams? Are you connected to them in such a way that you know when they are having a bad day or a good one? Communication whether it is through words or actions is vital for a healthy relationship. Everyone needs someone they can confide in, and if your spouse feels they can't talk to you they may turn to someone else. Which can lead to our next relationship killer.
Infidelity. No matter how secure you are in your relationship, when your partner has been unfaithful it shakes the very foundation. Infidelity doesn't always mean having a sexual relationship with someone other than you spouse. It can also mean having an intimate relationship of any kind with a member of the opposite sex. Deep meaningful conversations, spending a lot of time together, etc., are all things than can be considered unfaithfulness. You need to realize that this type of activity can lead to a sexual relationship. In addition, the confidences you are giving to the other person are things you should be sharing with your spouse. By keeping the lines of communication open in your marriage will help to prevent one spouse or the other from feeling like they need to confide in someone else. A happy and successful relationship should be built on a strong foundation of full fidelity and communication.
Lack of emotional attachment. This one fits right in with communication and fidelity. You need to feel an emotional attachment to your partner if you are going to have a successful relationship. If you have full communication and are completely faithful, this should be fairly easy. However, at times in a relationship you may feel that you are missing that attachment. Distractions from work, family, and other responsibilities can leave you feeling detached from your partner. You may begin to feel like you don't really know your spouse anymore, they have become a stranger in your home. When you sense the attachment is lacking, it is time for action! Spend some quality time with each other without distractions like television or children. Find a sitter and go out to dinner or just for a nice drive. Talk with one another and reconnect. You should make time for each other a priority so you can stay connected.

Many relationships fall apart because of problems that can be avoided by learning to communicate effectively, staying completely faithful, and keeping connected with your partner. Relationships take work, but by making it a priority yours doesn't have to be a victim of relationship killers.

No relationship can exist without love

2011-02-09T13:36:00.000Z

Maintaining relationships is the art of living. A relationship between the man and the woman is the most beautiful relationship yet very delicate. It is easily broken than made. There are innumerable ways to make you relationship exciting and let there be love in the air. A good relationship involves care, responsibility, fun, laughter, love and sex. It is an amalgamation of all. Any one element missing in a relationship spoils the charm of a relationship.
Marriages help couples learn to live in a covenantal relationship. It focuses on each other and their commitment. In a marriage the relationship is full of understanding and acceptance of each other. Yet there are times when couples in a marriage face problems. As time passes by they seem to divert from each other. Many couples experience marital difficulties with the passage of time. There is less of love, intimacy and sex. They feel a kind of boredom with each other.
Love is essential in a relationship. No relationship can exist without love. You have to make love to keep your relationship alive. Intimacy is very important to keep a relationship alive and so is passion Physical intimacy is important in a relationship. You should not give up your sex lives as your relationship grows older. Most of the times when one of the partners fall sick and is not well for a long duration, couples do not have sex. Touch is an essential part in a relationship and one should have a complete and satisfied sex life with a lot of care and affection. Whenever you make a mistake, make the use of the power of touch. The power of touch heals the wounds and is a good remedy for the sick.
The ability to communicate with each other in a significantly deeper and more fulfilling way is an important factor in a relationship. All that is necessary is a commitment to each other and a willingness to work towards a stronger and more meaningful future together.
Communication is the best way to know where the problem lies. Communication gap worsens the relationship. Unless and until you talk over about the problem you will never be able to make up for the broken relation. You have to take the initial step to come up to your partner to talk about where you went wrong. When you share your opinion and feelings with your partner it develops a greater understanding. It helps your partner understand your unacceptable behavior at times. If you feel your partner shows no more interest in a sex with you then talk about it. The more you communicate with each other the closer you get to each other. There is nothing to hide. Even the best relationships sometimes undergo bad phases in life. It could be misunderstanding, arguments or lack of interest in each other. Love relationships often undergo such phases in life.
Love relationships and sex are inseparable. Where there is a love relationship sex has to be present. If your sex life is fading away and you do not feel like having sex with each other then your relationship needs some counseling as you may me undergoing some kind of complex or problem. It could be anything taking too much of alcohol, having a negative feeling about you, low self esteem or some guilt. Whatever the reason you need to solve the problem as your relationship is important and needs all the elements to make it successful.

10 Ways We Hurt Our Romantic Relationships

2011-02-07T14:24:00.000Z

It's not easy to have a great relationship with your boy/girlfriend, partner, or spouse. But it's not impossible, either - it takes some work, of course, but it's work, work that's a joy when everything comes together.
Get Your Ex Back
A lot of times, though, the work isn't enough. We get in our own way with ideas and attitudes about relationships that are not only wrong, but often work to undermine our relationships no matter how hard we work at it.
I've watched a lot of breakups (some of them my own). I've seen dramatic flare-ups and drawn-out slow fades, and I've tried to pay attention to what seems to be going on. Here are a few of the things I've seen that cause people to destroy their own relationships.
1. You're playing to win
One of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive urge. I don't mean competition in the sense that you can't stand to lose at tennis, I mean the attitude that the relationship itself is a kind of game that you're tying to win. People in competitive relationships are always looking for an advantage, the upper hand, some edge they can hold over their partner's head. If you feel that there are things you can't tell your partner because she or he will use it against you, you're in a competitive relationship - but not for long.
2. You don't trust
There are two aspects of trust that are important in relationships. One is trusting your partner enough to know that s/he won't cheat on you or otherwise hurt you - and to know that he or she trusts you that way, too. The other is trusting them enough to know they won't leave you or stop loving you no matter what you do or say. The second that level of trust is gone, whether because one of you takes advantage of that trust and does something horrible or because one of you thinks the other has, the relationship is over - even if it takes 10 more years for you to break up.
3. You don't talk
Too many people hold their tongues about things that bother or upset them in their relationship, either because they don't want to hurt their partner, or because they're trying to win. (See #1 above; example: "If you don't know why I'm mad, I'm certainly not going to tell you!") While this might make things easier in the short term, in the long run it gradually erodes the foundation of the relationship away. Little issues grow into bigger and bigger problems - problems that don't get fixed because your partner is blissfully unaware, or worse, is totally aware of them but thinks they don't really bother you. Ultimately, keeping quiet reflects a lack of trust - and, as I said that's the death of a relationship.
4. You don't listen
Listening - really listening - is hard. It's normal to want to defend ourselves when we hear something that seems like criticism, so instead of really hearing someone out, we interrupt to explain or excuse ourselves, or we turn inward to prepare our defense. But your partner deserves your active listening. S/he even deserves you to hear the between-the-lines content of daily chit-chat, to suss out his/her dreams and desires when even s/he doesn't even know exactly what they are. If you can't listen that way, at least to the person you love, there's a problem.
5. You spend like a single person
This was a hard lesson for me to learn - until it broke up a 7-year relationship. When you're single, you can buy whatever you want, whenever you want, with little regard for the future. It's not necessarily wise, but you're the only one who has to pay the consequences. When you are with someone in a long-term relationship, that is no longer a possibility. Your partner - and your children, if there are or will be any - will have to bear the brunt of your spending, so you'd better get in the habit of taking care of household necessities first and then, if there's anything left over, of discussing with your partner the best way to use it.
This is an increasing problem these days, because more and more people are opting to keep their finances separate, even when they're married. There's nothing wrong with that kind of arrangement in and of itself, but it demands more communication and involvement between the partners, not less. If you're spending money as if it was your money and nobody else has a right to tell you what to do with it, your relationship is doomed.
6. You're afraid of breaking up
Nobody in a truly happy partnership is afraid of breaking up. If you are, that's a big warning sign that something's wrong. But often, what's wrong is the fear itself. Not only does it betray a lack of trust, but it shows a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem - you're afraid that there's no good reason for someone to want to be with you, and that sooner or later your partner will "wise up" and take off. So you pour more energy into keeping up the appearance of a happy relationships than you do into building yourself up as a person. Quite frankly, this isn't going to be very satisfying for you, and it also isn't going to be very satisfying for your partner.
7. You're dependent
There's a thin line between companionship and support and dependency. If you depend on your partner - that is, if you absolutely cannot live without her or him - you've crossed that line. The pressure is now on your partner to fill whatever's missing in you - a pressure s/he will learn to resent. If you expect your partner to bring everything while you bring nothing to your relationship - and I'm talking finances as well as emotional support, here - you're in trouble. (Note: I'm not saying that you need to contribute equally to household finances - what I'm saying is that if you're not contributing to the household budget, and you're not contributing anywhere else, things are out of whack and that's never good.)
8. You expect Happiness
A sign of a bad relationship is that one or both partners expect either to make the other happy or for their partner to make them happy. This is not only an unrealistic expectation to lay on yourself or on them - nobody can "make" you happy, except you - but it's an unrealistic expectation to lay on your relationship. Relationships aren't only about being happy, and there's lots of times when you won't and even shouldn't be. Being able to rely on someone even when you're upset, miserable, depressed, or grieving is a lot more important than being happy all the time. If you expect your partner to make you happy - or worse, you're frustrated because you aren't able to make your partner happy - your relationship isn't going to fare well when it hits a rough spot.
9. You never fight
A good argument is essential, every now and then. In part, arguing helps bring out the little stuff before it becomes major, but also, fighting expresses anger which is a perfectly normal part of a human's emotional make-up. Your relationship has to be strong enough to hold all of who you are, not just the sunny stuff.
One reason couples don't fight is that they fear conflict - which reflects a lack of trust and a foundation of fear. That's bad. Another reason couples avoid arguments is that they've learned that anger is unreasonable and unproductive. They've learned that arguing represents a breakdown rather than a natural part of a relationship's development. While an argument isn't pleasant, it can help both partners to articulate issues they may not have even known they had - and help keep them from simmering until you cross a line you can't come back from.
10. You expect it to be easy/you expect it to be hard There are two deeply problematic attitudes about relationships I hear often. One is that a relationship should be easy, that if you really love each other and are meant to be together, it will work itself out. The other is that anything worth having is going to be hard - and that therefore if it's hard, it must be worth having.
The outcome of both views is that you don't work at your relationship. You don't work because it's supposed to be easy and therefore not need any work, or you don't work because it's supposed to be hard and it wouldn't be hard if you worked at it. In both cases, you quickly get burnt out - either because the problems you're ignoring really don't go away just because you think they should. or because the problems you're cultivating are a constant drag on your energy. A relationship that's too much work might be suffering from one of the attitudes above, but a relationship that doesn't seem to need any work isn't any better.
Your choices
Get Your Ex Back
There isn't any one answer to any of the problems above. There are choices though: you can either seek out an answer, something that addresses why you are hurting your relationship, or you can resign yourself to the failure of your relationship (and maybe the next one, and the next one, and...). Failure doesn't always mean you break up - many people aren't that lucky. But people can live quite unhappily in failed relationships for years and even decades because they're afraid they won't find anything better, or worse, they're afraid they deserve it. Don't you be one of them - if you suffer from any of these problems, figure out how to fix it, whether that means therapy, a solo mountain retreat, or just talking to your partner and committing yourselves to change.

Great Relationship Advice For Men - 5 Great Relationship Tips For Men

2011-02-04T09:00:00.000Z

Men often look for relationship advice for men in order to avoid landing in hot water with their girl. Many times it appears that men and women do not speak the same language. However, most relationship advice is written for women and not for men. If you are a man and in need of some relationship advice then keep reading.
Here is some great relationship advice for men that will increase your success rate with women.
Great Relationship Advice 1 When a woman gives you the silent treatment this is bad. You go silent when you have nothing to say but this is not the case for women. When a woman goes silent typically she is upset about something and it is probably something that you did or said. Women use no talking to you as a punishment while you may think that the silence is nice. Basically instead of enjoying the silence if your woman is silent start thinking back on the day or the night before and try to figure out what you have done or said.
Great Relationship Advice 2 Every time a woman is upset does not mean that it is PMS. Sometimes your woman is upset or hurt over something. If you are always blaming her bad mood on PMS you will find yourself lonely in the future. She will get mad about that and leave you behind.
Great Relationship Advice 3 When your woman is talking about her problems don't always try to fix it. Women are capable of taking care of themselves and are usually just letting off steam. Pay more attention to listening and you will know if she wants help figuring something out or if she is just letting off some steam.
Great Relationship Advice 4 Men in general often look for answers in the wrong places. If you go around asking their brother or father what her problem is you will find out that they probably do not know and they will want to know what you have done to upset her. This will probably not work out in your favor. If you want to know what is wrong with her then talk to her.
Great Relationship Advice 5 Talk to your woman. Always keep the lines of communication open. Tell her how much you love her and cuddle with her without expecting sex. Women like to feel appreciated and loved without feeling like she has to do something in return.
If you are having a problem with something tell her about it. Let her try to help you solve the problem. If you push her away while you are having the problem she is likely to become distant to you. Always remember that your woman has a great memory and she can list off all the things that you have done to make her mad for the last 6 months.

Relationships take work from both sides. But be careful who you ask for advice and where you get the advice from. It just may backfire in your face. Make sure you are getting your advice from a trust worthy person.

Relationship Saving Tips You Need To Know

2011-02-01T08:32:00.000Z

Saving a relationship is possible whether you've been involved in a breakup or you are scared you're headed in that direction. But you have to accept that there is some work to do on your part.

It is an emotionally draining time for those suffering through this time with many unable to cope with the insecurities related to breaking up and reluctant to let go of someone that has been a serious part of their life.

But that flame can be ignited again if there's remains the semblance of a spark and we will take a look at some of the steps you will have to take to put the wheels back in motion of a favorable end result.

Salvaging A Relationship Tips

Tip #1... The 1st question to ask yourself is do you really desire this relationship to work. That sounds a unusual question when you are feelings are running high but it is an exceedingly important one and you could be surprised at the solution..

Tip #2... You want to establish if you simply want to stay in the relationship as you dread the concept of being single and the hard work it'd take to find someone new. Another thing to consider is does it scare you to be single when the majority of your friends are either married or in relationships.

Tip #3... Does you partner require the relationship to resume. Again, it's obvious but how do you know definitely. You see, if you think it's what you want your other half may see it differently and an unpleasant situation is about to become more uncomfortable.

Tip #4... Provided both of you are willing to make it work, sit down and assess what went wrong with the relationship to get it at a stage where it's about to fall apart. Here is where you need to be truthful and one of the toughest things is to admit you made mistakes. You both need to be honest here.

Tip #5... Strongly consider having a third person in the room like a counselor. This will serve two imperative purposes and the most significant one is to get both of you to open about what you believe is wrong and how you'll rectify it.

Tip #6... Isolate the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Are you continue to doing the things you probably did when you first met? Many times, folks drift into a different space forgetting what attracted them to each other. One or both are taken lightly and a familiarity develops that leads to things becoming rancid. Do not simply remember, tell the other person what it was that you adored about them in the beginning stages as this is a strong step to saving a relationship.

How to Plan a Perfect Date

2011-01-28T16:33:00.000Z

It is very important to have a logistic prepared before you go on a date. A well prepared dating structure makes both parties more comfortable and it increases the calibration between the two parties. Therefore, you should prepare your dating plan way before and lead it, until it goes to seduction.

A well prepared dating structure makes both parties more comfortable and it increases the calibration between the two parties. Therefore, you should prepare your dating plan way before and lead it, until it goes to seduction. Do not worry whether sex will occur at the end, as sometimes it will take two or more dates.

You should always remember, that if you are you are comfortable with your feelings, she feels the same and will adjust her behaviour to match. You should prepare your dating structure and practice it; this will help you to build more comfort with her and it will make seduction easier for both parties.

For this reason, we recommend you to rendezvous as early as possible in the afternoon and go to different places. You must spend the required time together to achieve a successful interaction. There is a simple structure prepared for you to follow to achieve a successful interaction on a date below and every single step has been tested over the years.

6.00 pm: Meet her as early as you can if you are meeting on a week day, meet her at six. For example, if you meet her to shop for your friend's birthday, visit as many shops as you can. Start walking around where people are. Make a comment about people and get her to talk about life and present anything.

7.00 pm: Now you are hungry. She is hungry too. Bring her to a restaurant that has special food and different cuisine. There are lots of places which specialize in different cuisine. You did not plan this and it is natural she will not feel the pressure of being on a date.

8.30 pm: You just remembered there is a comedian doing a show in Vicar Street, but you should have checked on the internet beforehand. Usually, every week day, there are different comedians. You cannot miss it.

Usually it starts after 8pm; some may start at 9pm, so you better check the internet first. So you walk her to Vicar Street. On the way, you are doing a lot of comforting by telling your stories listening to her. You could also do a Kino routine, shown in previous chapters.

9.00 pm: You are having a drink while waiting for the comedian, and talking about different things to build up comfort. Then show starts, she is really enjoying it, maybe she hasn't felt like this in a long time. Comedians can make people think about their lives. You are there to listen, even after the show. Comedians give lots of material to talk about. Be alert for those and convey yourself into life stories.

11.30 pm: You want to have only one drink in one of the quiet pubs. Pick one of them and have your drink on the way to your home.

12.30 am: Finally, you tell her that you are only going to show her your tropical fish for ten minutes. You have to get up really early to drive into another town for work. Lead her to the taxi and take her to your home. Sit on the couch next to her, and remember the steps in the seduction phase that we teach throughout our new ebook "Learn to attract beautiful women - Kama Method"

What are the Important Points?

It is highly recommended that you pay attention to the below points as they will massively increase your success.

1. Be on time.

2. Be a good listener and try to understand her ideas as you have passed the most of the stages and gained a date. Understand that communicating means taking turns. She talks, you listen. You talk, she listens. Create more comfort and understand the expectations of both parties.

3. Try to avoid asking her personal questions but listen if she brings up any of them.

4. Do not expect her to act in a certain way. Just live your own reality and have a good time.

5. Do not get distracted by anyone and keep your frame solid.

6. Never lie about anything.

7. Do not complain about your life.

8. Do not talk about your ex-girlfriend, as she knows that you have already dated someone and you told her while you met her in the first stage, that you are pre-selected.

9. Do not act needy and take the decisions during the day.

10.Do not brag about yourself. If you want to talk about your good qualities, do it in an indirect way.

Do not reveal everything about yourself in the first date, as you should be a little bit of a puzzle. Give her the chance to find out who you really are, and that takes time and understanding.

Avoid getting into cheap sex talk. There is more to discover than just sex on the first date but if she wants to talk, let her talk and tell what you really think.

Show good manners with whomever you interact with. Pay your respects to the doorman, waiters and waitresses. She watches how you behave to others at all times.

2011-01-26T09:46:00.000Z

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5 Things To Avoid In The Relationship

2011-01-26T08:09:00.000Z

Your relationship is supposed to be the place where everyone should be safe and supported. The difficulties in relationship, however, tell us that we enter relationships without any really good tools for maintaining it well.We may even realized the we have not really learned from what the society has been telling us. So here we are, trying to figure out everything How difficulties affect us may mean a million different things to a million different people.Remember, both men and women have different things and needs and so as different ways of dealing with things.

Learn How to Mend a Broken Heart

Although you feel so loved and appreciated on the first few months of the relationship, it doesn't follow that your relationship will be smoother all throughout. Difficulties in relationship will come at the most unexpected time, and that's the time you can realize so many things about the relationship.

INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND.

This occurs normally in the relationship. There will come a point that you will cry because of a misunderstanding. You all think differently, as in you are on this side, and your partner on that side. If you and your partner have different principles in life, how come understanding can occur in the relationship? If both parties do not know the value of understanding, maintaining relationship is harder.

DISTRUST.

Trust will be lessened when there are suspicious activities by your partner. In as much as you want to find answer to your questions, you would want to trace history of computer use of your partner, and other signs of cheating. Instead of keeping everything as secret, it's better to talk about the problems and issues together and find ways on how to change. Although talking those critical issues seems so difficult, you can both start again.

Learn How To Win Back Lost Love Today

JEALOUSY.

Jealous is not all about your partner and his other mate.It includes as well your work and time and your insecurities and self esteem. Jealousy happens when you feel that the love, care and attention in the relationship are deprived from you. With this, you will be feeling so insecure in the relationship plus self esteem is lowered. When you get jealous, you feel so disturbed and it affects you as a whole. With jealousy, you be overly possessive to the relationship and to your partner. So in order to prevent that effect of jealousy, it is important to talk about the issue and solve it together. Learn to assure each other that your love never fades so that those unhealthy insecurities are removed and that your self esteem and confidence are back for good.

MAKING PAST BEHAVIOR AS A BULLET FOR THE ARGUMENT.

Past behavior is just historical and gone. Using of past behavior in an argument will only worsen the case, and will heighten the fight. It's time to face the present and the only thing that you can do in the past is to learn from it, so it's better to be less judgmental in the relationship even during an argument.

DIFFICULTY PRIORITIZING.

Loss communication can happen when the relationship is long enough to handle.It is true that you have different priorities to attend to but hectic schedules is not a reason enough for a lost of communication Remember, it is clear that you enter into a relationship and so your time must be used not only for work but also for your relationship.

Relationship is an exercise of constant learning. Both parties in the relationship may need to undergo changes to build more meaningful relationship together. Even if you wish for constant happiness, difficulties in relationship can happen.This is normal because it can strengthen the relationship, making it more meaningful to each one.So the best thing we can ever do as couples is to be the best for the relationship even to the best and worst times of our lives.

Good Dating Relationship Advice

2011-01-24T09:06:00.000Z

Getting good dating relationship advice can lead to a good marriage. There are a number of things that can be learned through dating relationship advice that can carry through into adult relationships or marriage. Many people often discount the notion of getting dating relationship advice, but the advice that one can get while dating can be very helpful in terms of providing patterns for living that can follow into married life.

The area of relationship advice is often an overlooked area because many people feel that their relationships are so complicated that any advice given to them cannot possibly be suitable. The reality is, however, that many of the conflicts in dating relationships are similar to those in other relationships. People tend to argue or fight about similar things and tend to create patterns. For example, many people argue about financial matters. A good case for relationship advice would counter those difficulties with conflict resolution involving fights with money.

When looking at married couples, it becomes clear to spot those who had some form of assistance or dating relationship advice and those who did not. This is because of the skills developed during the dating years that enabled the couple to find better ways to resolve conflicts. Of course, the possibility is always there to utilize a marriage counselor within the marriage to make inroads to better communication skills. The reality is typically that a good foundation can lead to a better marriage.

Getting marriage help, for many, is the ultimate standard of helplessness. Many people equate marriage help to a last ditch effort and feel that it says that the marriage is in some sort of trouble. Getting dating relationship advice can be comparable, especially among the land of the proud. The reality is, however, that seeking the advice of people that have "been there before" can be enlightening and can awaken fresh perspectives within relationships. Getting a new point of view out of marriage help or dating advice in any form can be a positive step to improving your relationships.

Dating relationship advice can be beneficial on many levels, but it is important to acknowledge the notion that many people are not willing to take the advice of others. Getting good advice can be very helpful to any relationship, but the pride aspects must be left behind in order to provide healing and a strong foundation in the relationship. Dating relationship advice is also not for everyone, so one should always do a self-examination before it is actively sought out.

Letter To Get Your Ex-Back

2010-11-04T19:23:00.000Z

Break ups rarely happen on mutual agreements and most of the times one party is left unhappy. The person who's dumped quite obviously wants to get back to the ex but the thought of actually getting it done may seem daunting. I'm here to tell you that you can get your ex back but if you find it challenging, your solution may lay in writing a letter to get your ex back. In a world of emails and text messages writing a letter may seem unfamiliar to some, but no emails or text messages can ever replace the sort of personal touch that goes into writing an actual physical letter.

Calling your ex after a break is not a good idea, you are trying to convey a message to your ex and exchanging conversation can easily have you going off topics. You are still in love with your ex and hearing her or his voice could easily break you down. It could have you completely surrendering to your need to tell your ex you still love him or her. The last thing you want is to seem needy because that will drive off your ex. Write a letter, because when your ex receives it and starts reading, you have his or her attention all to yourself and your ex will digest all your words before he or she decides what to say or do.

Be very casual with the letter and write to your ex as if you are writing to an old friend. Accept the fact that you've broken up and you'll be able to admit to your faults. Don't just say you are sorry but describe to your ex why you've messed up and how you see things more clearly now. Keep in mind that you are not to make any promises, you want earn your ex's trust slowly and the last thing you want is to tell your ex that he or she should trust you at face value. A letter carries the smell, the touch, a personal touch of a real human being and for that, writing a letter to get your ex back is the best way to reach your ex's heart.

How to Win Back Your Girlfriend

2010-08-23T13:35:00.000+01:00

It's natural to allow yourself to sit around and "grieve" when a relationship breaks up. No one expects you to just shrug it off and move on like nothing happened. The problem is, when you grieve a little too much about losing your ex girlfriend, to the point where you cannot think or talk about anything else.

I think we have all known people that have gone through this before. And when you are not the one involved in the breakup, it's easy to see that this is not the thing to do. However, the moment that you find yourself on the wrong end of a breakup, you quickly start to find yourself talking about her and thinking about her all of the time.

Here's why you cannot allow this to happen:

People in general, not just women and not just your ex girlfriend, are not usually attracted to others that are sad and depressed all of the time. The more that you talk about her and think about her, you are going to end up either sad or depressed and it's just going to make the situation WORSE, because now she does not want to be around you or hear from you. And more than likely, even your friends are going to get tired of it as well.

Here's what you should be doing:

By all means, give yourself maybe a day or two where you let yourself feel the loss. But, then you have to consciously take control and not allow those thoughts to come back. Once you give yourself that initial time to do your emotional thing, then you need to allow yourself to feel GOOD. You have to be in a positive state of mind if you are going to win her back.

Hang out with friends, do some of the hobbies that you love or would like to do, just keep yourself busy. When you have too much time to just sit there and think about her... you are going to miss her. When you keep yourself busy, that feeling is not as strong and THAT is when you can make the move to win her back.

A little bit of last minute advice: Do not make the mistake of thinking that if you show her how sad you are, and how much you miss her, that this is going to make her want you back. It won't. It might make her feel sorry for you, but then again, women are not known for falling for guys that the feel sorry for, are they?

How to Choose Up Hot Ladies

2010-08-04T18:23:00.000+01:00

The attraction between men and women are as natural as the rising and setting of the sun.

Whereas men and women are supposed to be intertwined, it is additionally one laborious reality that matching individuals up and getting the correct folks together isn't thus easy. In truth, if the world of dating and relationships is so simple, then we tend to would haven't any use for dating tips for men and women.

The straightforward truth is that dating isn't simple do. These dating tips for men become hot things and are abundant coveted by those that wish to be sleek operators when it involves women. Once all, every man would want an equally hot lady by his side.

Another reason why dating tips for boys and men are thus hot and in demand is another straightforward fact: that the majority men are clueless when it involves women. Yes, men can thrive on having a lady and vice versa however not all men have the instinct to know what a lady thinks and what a woman wants. In most cases, dates and relationships fail not because they're not right for every different but simply as a result of there are problems of miscommunication between the 2 sexes. And men who don't have the necessary information and experience to handle and perceive ladies will say goodbye to them.

Dating tips for men also are in high demand because a number of them merely work. The information contained in several dating tips and advice are typically collected not out of skinny air but from experience. Believe it or not, there are boys and men who are good at handling women. For that, they easily get dates, they'll simply and effortlessly meet new women each time they want to. It will be sheer luck or it can be years of study and practice. No matter their methodology, there are dating and relationship gurus who can facilitate your out with women.

If you wish to be one in all the lucky ones who can simply chat up a lady, or someone who can flip an informal drink into a really satisfying night, or if you wish to be someone who will understand girls and what they wish, then it is basic that you get the proper recommendation and tips from the correct sources. You'll be able to build use of online resources if you're feeling queasy concerning asking your boy pal concerning them. There are a number of ebooks that can be a nice supply for such advice and all you have to do is to pick the correct one and use them.

Dangers of Online Dating

2010-07-26T13:50:00.001+01:00

Significance
1. Instant messengers (IMs) allow online users to communicate directly to each other via a variety of services. Online dating services often incorporate IMs allow members to connect with each other while in the safe confines of their own home. But these interactions are still governed by the amount of information being shared. If a man claims to be a woman with two kids, nothing can dispute this fact until the couple meets for the first time, face to face. The danger of misrepresentation is very strong.
Function
2. Online dating services provide some measure of control by pre-screening or 'vetting' the members who sign up. These services also advise all clients and members not to meet someone for the first time in a private place. Couples should meet in controlled, public situations. When the online dating service advises this, it means that the service is aware that some members may misrepresent themselves, their intentions and their history. Safety first is a mantra that anyone who considers dating online needs to remember.
Types
3. Three major concerns or dangers facing online daters are overseas scammers, married men or women seeking affairs and potential stalkers. A number of people use online dating sites to seek partners they can begin relationships with, only to bilk them for hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars.
Some members who sign up for adult online dating sites are married and are simply seeking sexual partners.
While the first two dangers affect the pocket book and the heart, the third danger is one that threatens physical well-being. Cyber-stalkers can use Internet dating sites to make contact with people; they may then spam their email boxes, steal their identities or worse, begin stalking them in real life.
Misconceptions
4. People often believe online dating is safe because using the Internet creates a barrier of anonymity between couples until they want to remove it. Unfortunately, savvy Internet users can hack sites, trace back IP addresses and in some cases, use slips of personal data to locate a person in real life whether they wanted to be located or not. The shroud of anonymity flows in both directions, a person can appear to be one thing online and turn out to be something completely different in real life. Just exchanging a few emails and casual comments in instant messages does not guarantee insight into a person. Always exercise caution in online relationships.
Warning
5. Avoid the dangers of online dating by exercising caution and common sense. Never give out personal information like home address and telephone number before meeting the person face to face. Always plan first, second and sometimes even third meetings in public places. Tell someone before going out on the date; be sure that a friend or family member is aware of where you are going, who you are going with and what time you plan to be back. Always take your own transportation to and from the date. Trust your instincts, if a first meeting with a person makes you uncomfortable or uneasy, trust your instincts. It's better to be safe than to be sorry.

Tips To Come Out Of A Relationship Smoothly and Safely

2010-07-16T11:10:00.004+01:00

You may find your love at unexpected places. You would have begun dating her right from your high school or have run into your partner at a boring corporate meeting. But as it may just take a minute to fall in love, the romance in the relationship may also fizzle out within short time frame especially if there is a frequency mismatch between you and your partner. If it is extremely difficult to convey your heart's feeling to an individual, it is even tougher to come out of a relationship. If you too have find yourself in a tough spot and your relationship is making you feel suffocated and sick, here are some tips to help you tide through these tough times:

* Honesty is the best policy:- Chances are you would have met someone else whom you find more charming or you have cheated on your partner and want to get out of the relationship. In such scenarios, lines like "let's be friends" are most commonly used by people to start the conversation. Rather than beating about the bush and prolonging the agony for both the persons in the relationship it is better to be subtle but direct. On the other hand if you want to end the relationship because you have been cheated on or hurt badly by your partner then do not feel guilty in telling your partner that you want to break the bond as you are tired of being taken for granted.
* Know the reason for taking this drastic decision:- it is better to be clear as to why you want to come out of this relationship. If you had been in a serious relationship than it is all the more important to tell your partner the real reason for ending the relation. True it will hurt but then your partner will appreciate your honesty and knowing the truth will help them grow up as an individual and take corrective measures so that their relationships don't turn sour in future.
* Think twice before you call it quits:- ending a relationship can be a tough decision especially if you feel that the person you are with is your soul mate. We all want our relationships to be true to the wordings "till death do us part" and sometimes we stick with an unhappy relationship just because of fear or feeling or guilt. But it is better to come out of the relationship at the right time if you realize that both of you are not on the same footing and that the things are not working out between you too. Sit down and have a heart to heart conversation which will help you to mend fences or assist you in parting ways amicably.

Following the above steps will make it easier for you to come out of the bad relationship.

Relationship Tips - Making the Effort

2010-07-10T14:44:00.000+01:00

Trying to figure out how to put the romance back into your relationship? Want to feel more connected to your partner? The following tips can help you get more out of the relationship you have now.

Tip #1: Keeping in Touch with your Partner

You tune up your car. You go in for dental checkups and annual doctor appointments. Have you ever considered how important it is to have a "check up" for your relationship? What is the purpose of a check-up? To ensure that your health/teeth/car are all in working order!! Why would your relationship be any different? Think about it. Your needs constantly change, your partner's needs change too. Logically, your relationship has to change over time as well. It is important to communicate these changes to your partner; otherwise, your partner is making the attempt to meet past needs that may not have a purpose in your current life (and vice versa). The more you "check in" with your partner, the greater opportunity you have to circumvent misunderstandings and maintain a healthy relationship.

Tip #2: What Goes Around Comes Around

Have you ever heard of the saying, "Givers gain?" This is the motto to an international networking group, BNI. The belief is that if you give unconditionally without worrying about what you'll get out of it, that your giving will be returned tenfold. How often have you thought about withholding yourself from your partner because they haven't reciprocated in a while or because you've tried in the past to no avail. Think about this....if you gave to your partner unconditionally, that they will be more willing to return the giving??

I'm not talking about giving so much of yourself that you end up becoming resentful. I'm talking about the little things that can go a long way. Try it and see how your partner responds!

Tip #3: Go Beyond the Holidays

During the holidays, it is fascinating how everyone goes all out to demonstrate their love for one another: chocolates, cards, candy, flowers, jewelry...It's all nice, but love needs to be demonstrated to your partner 365 days a year (366 if it's Leap Year!). Love can be expressed in many ways. How do you express love to your partner? Is it the type of love your partner needs? Some people like gifts, other like hugs, and even others prefer help with the daily routines.

An open discussion between you and your partner can uncover if the type of love you give is actually what your partner needs and vice versa. Understanding how your partner appreciates you will allow you to respond appropriately, resulting in an increased connection and less feeling unappreciated. Remember love is...year around! And it gives so much in return!!!

Tip #4: Keep in Touch!

This time is full of responsibilities: children, bills, finances, work, health...but where does your relationship fit in?

You need to give your relationship equal time to be successful. It's easy to say, "We'll do that tomorrow," but if "tomorrow" becomes "tomorrow" again and again, eventually, you may wake up one morning and realize it's been weeks or even months since you've made time for your partner.

You and your partner made time for each other when you first met. How did you make time for each other then? You went on dates. You would agree on a time to go out, be picked up at the door and spend an evening together. You did it once! You can do it again! Start by setting at least one night a month for the two of you to go out. Get a babysitter (if needed), make reservations and enjoy the time to reconnect.

Remember, the bills, finances and work responsibilities will be there the next day. One day the children will be off and having families of their own. Your health may not be what it is today. For all these reasons, today is the day to make a strong connection with your partner...and keep it nourished and healthy.

Tip #5: Claim Your Space

Nurturing your relationship and quality time is important. However, it is equally important to nurture yourself as individuals. Take time occasionally for yourself away from your spouse. Go out with friends...get involved with a hobby...whatever interests you have, foster them. It gives you a chance to regain your identity separate from your relationship, and provides you opportunities to share more with your partner at the same time.

Online Dating Tips: best and free dating tips

2010-07-02T17:46:00.000+01:00

Well, you are on the right place if you're looking for successful relationship and help, off or online! With over 100 articles to browse through, you can learn about finding a right partner, working out problems, finding happiness, starting a relationship, love and sex with your partner. Several Online dating tips are available for women as well as men for all stages of relationships.

This is the only blog where you can easily share your own little sparking gems of romantic wisdom with the world that better helps them to find a new boyfriend or girlfriend than people who has been there before? Here you can also share the bad and good times, and turn them into a piece of useful dating information for the rest of the world! Find love, and help others find love!

However, if sharing is not your thing then, you can also read some of our articles written by our relationships expert and singles for the best advice or tips, or take some of our dating and romance quizzes! Most of all enjoy our self and tell our friends about Full dating tips.com. Not only has this, through this blog you can also get some articles that helps you a lot while preparing for a first date, first date gift ideas, first kiss and many others.

We also provide special articles on first dating tips gift ideas, dressing romantic e-cards, mouthwatering chocolate, flowers, celebration of first anniversary and honeymoons etc. This will helps you a lot for impressing your sweetheart with the intensity of your love and with our magical Love calculators. Whether you're looking for love tips or unique romantic ideas... let your heart do the talking this season while we help you with the best ideas to win hearts of your life partner.

How To Enjoy And Maintain A Long Distance Relationship

2010-05-15T13:28:00.000+01:00

Long distance relationships are not rare like the older days. They are very common these days and many of us are involved in the long distance relationships. It is a fact that many of the long distance relationships fail but if you make a serious effort to continue the relationship, you can enjoy heavenly moments.

The relationships that are long distance fail because of many factors. In order to make it at least successful, you need to know these factors or the causes. The most common cause of the failure of the long distance relationships is the lack of communication. When you are far away from each other, you only have limited access to each other and that too is via the virtual communication means which really takes away the flavor and the charm of real time communication which happens face to face.

Another major reason for the failure of the long distance relationship is the lack of availability of the other partner. The physical absence is a huge issue. At time we all need someone else to hold out hand and talk to us while giving us a gentle kiss on out head. These are not possible when you are in a long distance relationship. What the partners can do is to meet more and more. They can set a common destination which facilitates both of them and can set a schedule for meeting. Paying surprise visits can also help to improve the relationship and take away the negative affects which creep in because of lack of physical presence.

When you are away from each other, then you need to have trust on each other. You will not be able to see and walk with each other to every place. You will also not be able to verify everything that you hear about your partner. If you do not trust your partner, the long distance relationship can really go weird. The partners not trusting each other will not stay together for long and will end up the relationship in a very bad manner.

Remember that the most important thing to continue a long distance relationship is communication. Try to talk to your partner every day. Even if you can not talk for hours, you should make a 5 minute call at least. Daily communication is the holding glue for the long distance relationships and you will have to do this in order to save your relationship.

Growing Your Life From The Inside Out

2010-03-13T16:29:00.000Z

Generally you pick up on the things that resonate with your beliefs and your view of the world. This is why, when you're feeling bad, bad things rain down on you relentlessly.

There are the real, major issues that you have to contend with and then there are the generalizations that you have learned to draw from them, like: "Life is hard" "It always seems to happen to me" etc.

It isn't in any way your fault, of course. It's also true that bad things happen to happy people too.

Happy people are not necessarily fortunate people in the sense of everything in their life being hunky-dory. How many people do you know who have good relationships, good health, financial security and are still discontented, bored or only half-alive? I can certainly think of a few.

Happy people are the people who have learned to modify their mood, manage their emotions and choose their reactions. Language, which we all have, is the sole tool that they need to do so.

You end up believing what other people tell you, when they tell you something often, or convincingly enough. How many times have you found yourself believing some daft, but effective, advertising slogan, despite your better judgment? How many times have you reviled yourself for being lazy, or stupid or worthless, even when you know that is not really you, because that's what you've been told repeatedly?

If you'll see it when you believe it, then the first thing to do is choose beliefs that serve you. You can do that because you only have to tell yourself a thing often enough and you will believe it. Unless, of course, your real mantra is: "Well, I'll try it, but I know it won't work for me." In which case it won't -because you'll get what you've affirmed.

But you can choose an affirmation that allows your spirit to soar. You can start from wherever you are with whatever words seem most appropriate to you. Purely as an example, you could choose to affirm something like: "I now give myself permission to celebrate my strength, my uniqueness and my precious humanity."

Say it once and nothing will happen. Say it several times each day, over a period of weeks and old limiting beliefs will start to lose their hold.

Or you could do it the way Sandy Forster advocates in "How To Be Wildly Wealthy Fast". Instead of just saying your affirmation, you go through it, putting the stress on the first word first time round, the second word second time round and so on until you reach the last word.

An affirmation of 15 words, like the one above will probably take you 2 or 3 minutes to work through. By the time you've finished, it will have interrupted any habitual negative loop and lifted your spirits.

Do that a few times a day, when negative thoughts kick in and it won't be that many days before you start to feel different. And when you start to believe different things, you'll start to see different things.

Yes, it's cheap, cheerful and ridiculously simple. Often what stops you achieving something you truly want is not the enormity or the complexity of the thing. It may just be a small, but crucial bit of information you lack, without which nothing seems to make sense.

The question is: are you prepared to give it a go?

Relationship Secret for Couples Who Want To Stay In Love...

2009-12-25T19:10:00.000Z

But if we are put on the spot and must come up with the biggest secret for couples who require to stay in love... here's what it would be...

We know that there's a lot of things you can do to keep your love alive throughout the years.

Generate the kind of relationship you require without buying in to any of the relationship myths that are commonly-held beliefs in our culture.

Here's what they mean...We all listen to them---beliefs that hold people back from generating what they require.

The two of us not only listen to them from others but we have heard them come out of our own mouths, these are beliefs that limit what is possible.

The truth is--if you don't believe something is possible, it probably is not. Take for instance a limiting myth that Susie two times believed...

In fact, this myth goes so far as to say that women over 50 are ready to dry up and blow away in lots of ways--and that it is all over except playing with your
grand kids.

In the first few months after her divorce from her first husband, they believed in the myth that women after 50 had a slim to none chance of finding love again.

BTW-- this belief could as easily be about age 25, 30 or 40 as well and the truth for Susie way back then was...While they loved playing with her grand kids, Susie wanted to find passionate love again but didn't know it was possible--especially with a younger
man.

Well, guess what? As you know from reading this newsletter, Susie DID find love again (and with a younger man--Otto.) They got together when Susie was 51 and Otto was
35 and now, we are in year 13 of being together.

Our love, passion and connection is stronger and more alive than when they first got together (and it was strong back then.)

We have defied the myths and they know that finding and keeping love alive and passionate is possible at any age.

1. "He's my husband (she is my wife). I can talk to him (her) that way. "One of the chief causes of falling out of love with a partner is consistently not feeling respected and
honored for who you are. A way this shows up is taking your partner for granted over the years and putting everything else before your relationship.

But the myth that love and passion dry up and die after a definite age is not the only two they exploded. Here are a few other myths that can keep you from staying in love...

When they observe couples who have stayed in love throughout the years, what becomes apparent is the way they treat each other. They don't park courtesy and kindness at the
door when they come home.

They recall (most of the time) not to take their tiredness and irritation from the day out on the people they love most.

2. All men (all women) cheat.
Like you, we have seen the statistics and have been inundated by the reports of all the celebrity cheating scandals.

They don't talk in derogatory ways to their partner--ways that they seldom would to their best friends or even casual acquaintances. They recall that because they share their lives together, they have no right to demean or belittle each other.

They certainly know that people cheat for a variety of reasons--most of them they might not even be aware of. If you have been cheated on two times (two time or more), it is hard to not think that it will probably happen again--and that finding a partner who will be faithful to you is impossible.

We are not going in to how to "cheat-proof" your relationship right now but they will say this...ALL men and ALL women don't cheat. The couples who don't cheat have clear agreements about what they will and won't do, communicate and are honest even when it is hard, have learned how to keep the spark alive between them, and they have learned how to resolve conflicts without carrying resentments that can tear them apart.

3. A tiny bit of jealousy cannot hurt and is lovely for your relationship
while the feeling of jealousy is natural when you sense that your man or woman might be taken away from you--it's not a device to be used to keep the two of you in love.

Some women, , start flirting with someone other than their partners when they require to bring some spice back in to their relationship. While this may get them some attention, it is
certainly not the kind of attention they REALLY require. And generating jealousy in someone else usually backfires.

While in some cases it may briefly stoke the fires, it creates mistrust and separation which can possibly lead to violence. This is certainly a myth to bust if you have believed it!

4. Most people think... It is normal and inevitable that passion fades over time. They know from personal experience--and from knowing couples who have been together a lot longer than we have been together--that passion doesn't must fade over time.

It takes attention, stoking the fires (in a healthy way) learning how to communicate and taking steps to consciously grow together.

In fact, it can get better. You read right. It can get better as the years go by.

Above all, it takes a strong desire to keep your relationship passionate.

So there you have it.

There's lots of more relationship myths that they could bust about staying in love but perhaps you'll be made aware of something that keeps you from having more love in your life by something we have said here.

Can You Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back - These Signs Tell He Still Loves You

2009-12-14T18:43:00.000Z

The days and weeks following a breakup can be a very confusing time. You always have the gnawing question in the back of your mind, can I get my ex boyfriend back? You still love him, but does he still love you. When you were dating, he was always attentive and made you feel as if you were the center of his world. Now you wonder if he even knows you exist. It is only natural to feel this way, but if the relationship lasted for any length of time, his feelings for you will not die quickly.

In fact, the breakup could be a blessing for you because if you give him the space and time to be alone, he will realize how good being with you was and he will begin to miss you. He could come to appreciate how much you meant to his life and he will be a much more loving boyfriend when you get back together, which in turn will make your relationship much more solid. But how do you know whether to go on hoping? Here are some signs that he still loves you:

If your friends tell you that he has been asking about you, especially if you are dating anyone, this shows he still cares for you and he is nosing around to see if he has a chance to get you back. This is what often happens that prolongs the period of being apart. You both want your relationship back, but you are afraid of being rejected so nothing happens. The answer to 'can I get my ex boyfriend back' might be yes, but you will need to give him some encouragement.

Another sign that he loves you is if after asking your friends if you are dating, he calls you for a chat and during the conversation asks you right out if you are dating anyone. This shows that he is making that first move toward getting back together, but this can put you on the spot. You should be very careful as to how you answer the question. If you lie to him or lead him to believe that you have someone else in an attempt to make him jealous, it might backfire on you and cause him to feel that he has lost you and go looking for someone else for him. If you seem too anxious to tell him you are not dating anyone, he might take more time with you and look around to see what else is out there.

These are very good signs that he still loves you, but it can be a crucial time in your relationship because you will have to be very careful of what you say and do. You do not want any mistakes or give him wrong impressions if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

Online Dating - How to Find a Perfect Date

2009-11-30T14:18:00.000Z

The internet provides scores of sites catering to online dating. Their clientele varies from teenagers to octogenarians! Considering today's youth, a vast amount of criteria needs to be satisfied in order to find a perfect date. Thus a clearly categorized scene where you get to pick out a partner who at least seems like one fitting into your requirements is much better than going on a blind date.

The dating scene is differentiated into several groups. You need to identify which is your preference. Some are categorized on the basis of age while others on hobbies or profession like military or doctors etc. The college crowd can find one which includes a lot of teen date seekers. There are certain sites which feature clients according to their physical attributes. Some chose to classify by race like Asians, Latin etc.

Most sites require you to register with them, quite often asking for a fee before they give you access to their membership. Once you have accepted their membership terms, they will show you their clientele, photographs included mostly and you can select those of whom you want to connect with. You will have a mail account with them or your messages will be directed to any mail Id you provide. Thus you can send or receive messages with interested parties.

You also need to upload your profile on the site so that people like you can also access you. A word of advice often provided by the site and also which is a matter of decency is to provide accurate information and not purposely mislead interested parties. This is a great offense because people approach you due to genuine interest in your profile and it's wrong to give them a shock while meeting in person.

Likewise you also need to be prepared for some surprises. Very few give a correct picture of their physicality and other personal facts. Also, make it a point to gather as much information about your date before you agree to meet him/her.

Be prepared to go on a multitude of dates before you meet someone who pleases you thoroughly. The site only provides a base for meeting people; it never guarantees 'A perfect Partner'. But there are lots of people who have met through online dating sites and have entered into lasting relationships. Some sites give you tips on how to dress for a date, suggest good locations for meeting your date and how to approach your date for the first time etc.

How to Have a Healthy Relationship – The Simple Guide

2009-11-17T13:01:00.000Z

There are reliable tools that can be used to generate a healthy relationship, lots of of which have not been taught in our culture.
Ask yourself why you weren't happy? often relationships fail because someone is unhappy & blames their partner.
Your life is solely under your control, with your relationship you have to take the lovely with the bad.
If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement.
You can either pick to be right, or you can have a successful relationship.
They say "If you loved me, you would” & argue to listen to the other say, "Fine, you are right” If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach won't generate a healthy relationship.
Having a healthy relationship means that, while you have your experience, & your partner has his or her experience, you love & share & learn from those experiences.
Approach your relationship as a learning experience.
Lies generate disconnection between you & your relationship, even if your partner seldom finds out about it.
For any sort of relationship to work you need to have trust.
This will make your relationship stronger & help strengthen the communication between you & your partner.
In a tedious relationship, it is hard to communicate with your partner & share comic feelings.
All lovely relationships are based on mutual respect.
The most important part of any type of relationship is communication.
Most people don't like to jump straight in to a relationship, girls.
If they find out later & you are in the midst of a deep relationship or perhaps a time when you need that person, they will leave for lovely.
Anything besides a relationship should be safe territory.
The social & playful activity certainly draws attention & can lead to a relationship.

How Attract a Girl

2009-11-14T10:05:00.000Z

As you can see, attracting a girl is becoming attractive. Don't get the idea wrong, it has NOTHING to do with your looks. It's about your personality and the way you present yourself. I'll guide you through steps which needs to be done to become attractive.

Warm up your brain, prepare a pen and paper and commit to yourself that you will participate with the exercises. Ready?

How to Attract a Girl: Get Rid of the Wrong Beliefs Most of us have wrong beliefs or assumptions about the attraction or what girls want. It's not important, if those beliefs or assumptions are because of our moms, a relationship between our parents, bad experience with exgirlfriend, movies, recent society, media etc. You can be sure that things don't have to be as you think they are.

I want you to open your mind to new things, concepts and realizations. You need to be aware of the fact that girls think and act differently than guys. Stop assuming, learn how girls really work and then act based on that.

Girls Are Attracted Only to Handsome Guys False. Don't be as the rest of 85% guys who think you have to be handsome, otherwise you won't attract girls. You can bet handsome guys have easier life when it comes to meeting girls, but looks isn't the magic attraction button.

We choose girls just by looks, it's our measurement of beauty. Girls are attracted to a whole integrity (personality, character) of guys. That's exactly why you hear a lot from girls "Just be yourself". Do not pretend you're someone else, girls will notice that, because they're excellent readers of body language.

How to attract a girl even if you are not Brad Pitt?

creativity
humor
selfrespect
intelligence
ambition
drive
confidence

Have you ever seen a beautiful girl with a not good-looking guy? I can smell you have. I'm even sure you have seen so many beautiful girls with not good-looking guys. How is that possible? It's simple, those guys have a good personality and they just naturally attract girls, who are attracted to character, not to looks.

If you haven't seen a beautiful girl with a not good-looking guy, next time you are out, look around for beautiful girls and notice how many of them have good looking or not good looking guys.

Now, let's digg deeper for each of those qualities:

Creativity - you don't need to be an artist, but you need to be able to deal with normal daily situations. I'll give you an example. Let's imagine a guy and a girl on a first date. They just left a coffee shop.

Discussion no. 1

girl: "So, what are we gonna do now?"

guy: "I don't know. What would you like to do?"

Dialog no. 2

girl: "So, what are we gonna do now?"

guy: "Hey, I know about terrific place where we can borrow ice-skates and have fun. Are you in?"

In which dialogue was the guy more attractive to the girl? Do I have to ask? It's because he knows what are the options, he knows how to handle the situation and he makes the decisions, so she doesn't have to.

I know what I'm talking about, I used to be the I-don't-know guy and it cost me 3 wonderful relationships - the girls just couldn't handle it.

Humor - again, you don't need to be Jerry Seinfeld or Eddie Izzard. The world doesn't end if you don't have a sense of humor, as long as you are commited to develop it! Hang out with guys, who are funny (this is huge!). Watch funny tv shows, soak the humor (any known stand up comedian, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Jerry Seinfeld, Fresh Prince,...).

You need to develop a humor. Which guy a girl would pick - the one with a humor or the one without a humor?

Humor is not about delivering jokes, girls are not interested in jokes as much as guys are. Your sense of humor has another meaning for girls. In other words, you need to learn to not take yourself too seriously.

Selfrespect - stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are a man and you are responsible for your actions, nobody else.

How well do you know yourself? How much time you spend alone, letting your thoughts just flying in your mind? How much do you think about yourself in order to get to know yourself better?

This is not a narcism, this is about knowing your real you, without any excuses or apologies, the raw you and the things you really want/like or don't want/like. Both of those things are extremely important, because by clarifying what you want and what you don't, you are creating your boundaries, which form your character.

Notice the difference of the following question of a guy who

Question no. 1

guy: "... would you go out with a guy like me... sometimes.... maybe?"

Question no. 2

guy: "Listen, I like your energy and want to know you better. What is better for you - thursday night or friday night?"

Intelligence - again, you don't need to be DaVinci or Einstein. This intelligence has nothing to do with your IQ. This is about being not stupid, receptive to new ideas, opened to discussion, aware of things around you.

It's good to have some overview of the world, but you don't have to memorize things (like who was a prime minister of Yemen in 1993). Do you know where is the difference between somebody who is a walking encyclopedia (remembers everything about everything) and a laid back guy from this century? 2 minutes! Human's brain has its limits. It's more important to know where to find the information you need. And today the internet is just a priceless tool! Einstein has been asked if he knows the relationship between kilometer and mile. He replied: "I don't know. I don't want to waste my brain capacity on something that can be found in every second book."

Your brain is like a muscle - the more you use it, the more stronger it gets (and it works in both directions, so make sure to practice).

Ambition - again, you don't have to have ambition like Hitler. It's important that you have some bigger goal than move from your mom before you turn 45. You are a man and you want to realize yourself. You want to leave a footprint of your living on the Earth. And no, a footprint of your ass in a chair in front of your tv doesn't count!

Ambitions relate to your list of things you want. If you think of yourself as a race driver in WRC, terrific. But work on that. This is not gonna happen if you're sitting at home in that dammed chair.

Drive - it's fine to have ambitions, but if you have nothing that motivates you to achieve your goals, you are doomed not reaching your goals. You need to find a motivation. Something, that will juice you in achieving your goals.

Confidence - so you are creative, you have a sense of humor (and you are not afraid to use it!), you have a selfrespect, you are intelligent, you have ambitions and you have a drive. By having that you must have gained a confidence as well, because if you really did the exercises and has worked with your personality for a while, you must feel the change and that change must juice you with the power of energy - confidence.

When a Girl Rejects You, The Life Ends No. If it did, there wouldn't be any guy left. You need to think of a rejection as a energy drink or a time management tool. I'll explain those 3 ideas to help you understand what is possible if you reframe a situation and instead of suffering you actually gain something.

Reframe #1: Rejection is an energy drink

Do you know the old saying What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I'm sure you do. There you go. You can be sure that the fastest way to overcome your fear is right through. Each rejection becomes less important to you and because of that you naturally change your attitude and the fact that the world doesn't stop for you whether a girl rejects you or not actually makes you more attractive to girls.

Reframe #2: Rejection is a time management tool

Imagine you approach a girl you are attracted to, you talk for an hour, but during the hour you would find out the girl is not attracted to you. By her telling you she is not attracted, she just saved time and energy for both of you. Awesome, isn't it?

Reframe #3: Rejection isn't about you

You need to keep this in mind. If you get rejected from a girl, it's her problem, not yours. There could be hundreds of reasons for her rejecting you. Don't let it bother you.

Have you ever had a bad morning and the rest of the day was just rubbish? Has someone in the bus made you feel worse? Have you forgotten to do the laundry? Do you prefer long or short hair? See? That's how the life goes. Guess what, even the most beautiful girl is still a human!

Don't forget there are more girls than guys. So move on to another girl who is smiling at you.

Relationship Strategies - How To Avoid Fights In Your Relationship.

2009-11-05T16:32:00.000Z

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is an often quoted line from the famous philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche that unfortunately also describes a way that many people live their lives. While we know that sometimes you get into situations you'd rather not be in ...And it may be helpful to look at these situations and realize (as a coping tool) that if something doesn't kill you, it may make you stronger...

We're not sure that's the best way to go through life. We'll explain because..., this is especially true in our intimate relationships after the first rush of intense attraction-- or the "honeymoon period" starts wearing off.

This is when those differences that never seemed to bother us before start bothering us big time. Arguments and fights can happen next because we so want things to be the way they used to be (or even better) and we think that if our partner can see our point of view everything will be okay. Well, it usually doesn't work that way.

In fact, it can just get worse because you each get in a groove and keep repeating the same argument over and over with the same result.

But it doesn't have to be this way and it doesn't have to end up with one person giving in to the other's way, if you don't see eye to eye with your partner or anyone else who's close to you and it ends up in an argument or fight, you're certainly not alone.

In your relationship, if there's an issue that comes up again and again, take the time and gather the courage to get out of your destructive groove.
Stop what you've been doing and saying and start all over in your mind.
Pretend you have had your mind swept of all previous thoughts around this topic and start over, start over and listen to each other not a regurgitation of your favorite argument but rather talk about your motivation and feelings.
Of course you each need to take some time to identify exactly what the feeling is underneath your strong belief and stand.

Communication Challenge - Strategy That Almost Do Not Work

2009-11-04T17:18:00.000Z

Oddly enough, there is a relationship strategy that almost every tries at one time or another that they think will make things better but almost never does... Talk about a communication challenge-this is certainly one of the biggest! Here is what frequently happens... When we are in a relationship with someone (especially our intimate partner or spouse) and we get triggered or upset, the first thing that usually happens is that we shut down to the other person in some way or another. Some of us get mad or just peeved and some of us withdraw, either agreeing to something we do not want or disagreeing but withdrawing our energy.

However you shut down, the outcome is still the same-disconnection. When you shut down emotionally or energetically, you are nowhere close to coming together on an agreement and a way to proceed to resolve the difference when this happens. No matter how insignificant the issue, resentment can build and continue to separate you from the love and connection that you both may want. You start doing what we call "talking on eggshells," not really saying what you mean because irritation seems to be a constant between you. So what can you do when this happens? How can you learn to say what you mean when it is important to do so and it is difficult to do so? We created some great new strategies to help you with this and many other important communication issues that you can find learn about at http://bit.ly/2CcxLA but here is what we can tell you right now about it... Although it may seem like the complete opposite of what you might want to do or what might feel natural to do-- one of the best things you can do when you're having a difficult moment in your relationship or marriage is to open, even when it is difficult to do it. You will hear us saying this a lot but it is so true and worth repeating-- Everything you do either move you closer to or further from the love that you really want.

It is the choices you make in every moment that make the difference whether you keep a relationship alive or deaden it. And, opening is a choice that you can make. So how do you open up when you are triggered and feel closed, angry, or withdrawn toward the other person?

Here are 3 tips to help you to open so that the two of you can begin to come to a resolution about whatever differences you might be experiencing...

1. Own your stories-What is it you are telling yourself about this situation? Are you holding on to being right? Take a moment and listen in on what you are saying to yourself about this situation. Ask yourself what it would mean to get your way or if you did not get your way. What are you telling yourself being right or getting your way will prove?

2. Remember that you love or even like this person-What is your desire with this relationship? If it is connection and love, then bring your thoughts back to why you love this person, even though you may both be at odds at the moment. Remember that you are not always at odds (even though you may think you are at the moment) and bring your mind and heart back to times when you were on the same page.

3. Share and listen with love-What is it that you want to share from your heart? Be curious about what you want and also what the other wants. Know that you both have choice and listen and share from that feeling of wide openness. Opening when you are triggered is a choice. You can stay stuck in negativity, possibly harming your relationship and certainly making your life miserable-or you can choose to open to maybe another alternative or way of doing things. The choice is love or distance. Which do you choose? For more information about how you can begin communicating and connecting deeper with the people in your life, especially when it's difficult, visit http://bit.ly/2VkrJr

4 steps to starting over again

2009-10-29T18:30:00.000Z

Part of what makes that view great and the climb worthwhile is when you get to the point when you realize that things are going to be better than they were before. I learnt plenty of things along the way and here I need to share with you some key tips that helped me to get the life I wanted.

It is never easy when you think about having to start over with something. If it seems like you have to start your whole life over again. I know what that feels like as a few years ago, I had to do exactly that. It felt like there was a mountain in front of me and I was about to climb it in stiletto's with no safety line. But I was determined that I would climb it and that when I got to the top, the view was going to be great.

What got you here won't get you there!

Take some time to understand what got you to where you are today, so that you don't make the same mistakes again. Mistakes are funny things as there's so plenty of different types of mistakes, with varying consequences from simple small mistakes to massive fat bloopers but the most important thing to remember is that in order to learn from them you have to accept them.

Own up to your mistakes even if only to yourself and you will get a much clearer understanding of how you got where you are today. They all make mistakes; even if that mistake is about allowing ourselves to put up with things they knew they should not have. There is no point in blaming everything on other people or life itself as you won't learn anything. If you don't accept your mistakes and look at them properly, then chances are you will keep making them. And the brilliant thing about beginning again is that you get to do things differently, better than before.

Recognize your strengths.

No doubt there are probably plenty of times in the past when things happened that you didn't expect and you were thrown in to a bit of turmoil. Or perhaps you even expected them to happen and didn't have a choice. Either way, you dealt with them and got through them. You are probably a lot more resilient than you think you are.

Think of all the things that you have dealt with in your past and all the things that you have achieved and recognize how strong and capable you are. Be thankful to those things that you survived as they enabled you to learn something. Stop telling yourself that you are no lovely and that you are hopeless and tell yourself you are a brilliant and strong person, capable of dealing with whatever comes your way - because you are. When you recognize your strengths you will be able to tap in to them and grow them even more.

A lot of the time people resist change because they are unsure of what is going to happen and they feel as though they might not have control over the future. They do everything they can to avoid any type of discomfort in our lives, yet challenges and pressures can bring out the best in us. Your situation may have changed without you wanting it to but if you embrace it and find ways to rise to the challenge, you will certainly be glad that it did.

Change is a positive thing.

People often stay stuck where they are because they are either frightened of change in some way or are actually perfectly happy where they are - The proverbial pig in mud. Being adaptable and open to change allows you to experience new things and learn far over you would if you stay where you are.

Stay focused on what you need.

Work out what it is you need for your future and set some goals around this so that you have something to work towards. This helps you to stay focused and will keep you moving forward. Set small chunks of goals so that you avoid overwhelm and help you to tackle things four step at a time.

If your first objective is to sort out your finances then start small by working out a budget and then set yourself a target to stick to. Achieving smaller goals will increase your confidence and build your self esteem, allowing you to set more challenging goals as you go along. When you keep your focus on the future and where you are going you will start to gradually see things moving and improving and before you know it you are well on your way to enjoying the new and improved you.

Quote: "To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny."

Killer Steps to Making-Up a Relationship

2009-10-28T12:36:00.000Z

1. Take a moment to find out what you are feeling & what you need. Find a way to quiet yourself, even if you have to go to the bathroom to do it. Breathe deeply & find that voice inside yourself that is telling you how you are feeling.

One of the things the majority of people find the most challenging about generating a great relationship is... Not being truthful about sharing their feelings & what is important to them What we have discovered from hearing thousands of coaching clients stories & working through our own issues is that if people aren’t truthful, resentments build & the anger, hurt, disappointment only comes out later in uglier ways. Whenever you find that you are feeling something that you have not expressed, communicate these things as soon as & as lovingly as you can. So often people permit tiny issues to grow in to mountains that finish up coming between them. They suggest that you take care of those issues when they come up & don't permit them to grow. Here are some ideas for you to consider to help you do that:

2. Ask your partner if you can have a few moments of uninterrupted time to talk together about an issue. Ask if your partner is willing to listen while you talk & tell your partner that you agree to listen while he/she talks. If you both feel safe to talk without being interrupted, then you will be able to truly hear one another.

3. Say what you need in a way that it can be heard. Always approach a conversation with how you are feeling because of the issue. If you start making your partner wrong & accusing him/her, the only thing you'll accomplish is that one or both of you will either withdraw & shutdown or lash out in anger.

4. Listen & honor who your partner is & what he/she wants. You may not agree with what your partner says but in order to build the trust that you need to feel free to say what you need, you also have to listen with an open heart to him/her without getting defensive.

5. Stay open & find ways that work for both of you. We have found that when you start to understand one another by speaking your truth & listening to each other, the one of you start to open the door for possibilities & much more love. There is a "softer" feeling between the one of you & solutions to conflicts seem to come more easily. Staying open means not judging the other person & reminding yourself how you love the other person even if in the moment you are irritated or disappointed in him/her. Staying open when there is conflict is probably the toughest thing you have to learn to do. Even if you take "baby steps" in doing it, you'll see how your relationship can grow. These ideas have created miracles in our relationship & they hope they will in yours also.

How to Make your relationship work

2009-10-26T13:30:00.000Z

Learn to embrace differences as a lovely thing & not what you require to change in someone else. To truly have a great relationship, there has to be mutual appreciation of what each person brings to the relationship-and that even includes the differences that drive us crazy! Here are some things they have learned about differences: First, become aware of your differences & don't assume that your partner thinks like you think & his/her priorities are like yours. Next, talk about these differences & share what is important to you. Remember to listen with an open heart & not judge. Because someone likes to do something in a small different way than you doesn't mean it is not the "right" way.
Look at your preconceived notions about the "right" ways to do things. If there is a conflict about the ways in which things are done or where the priorities are placed, they recommend that you devise a new way of doing things. Perhaps a third way that might be even better than the four previous ways of looking at or doing things. Turn your attention to appreciating each other's gifts instead of holding onto what you think is the "right way" to do it.

Keep your relationship a priority. When couples come together, they often spend a lot of time getting to know four another & having fun together. Then, when babies enter the picture or careers become demanding, their purpose to spend time together gets buried & lost in the busyness of everyday activities. What they are suggesting is to make it your purpose to spend time together, being together, even if it is to sit & talk alone for a few moments over coffee. Make your relationship a priority in your life. Set aside time everyday to connect with your partner & don't take these moments for granted.

Focus on what you like, love, appreciate about the other person instead of what you don't. In lots of relationships, there is the temptation to take each other for granted after a quantity of years or even months of being together. When that happens, four or both people in the relationship start to “pick” at each other & their "faults" seem to magnify. They are not saying to ignore what needs to be said between the four of you. What they are saying is to focus on what you need more of in your relationship instead of what you need less of. Sounds like commonsense but few people actually do it. If you are not feeling loved & appreciated yourself, start being open to seeing & feeling love & appreciation that people are giving you that you may not be aware of in your daily life. Start seeing & appreciating what your partner does "right." Take the time, in your thoughts, words & actions, to be appreciative of the other person & watch how your relationship blossoms!

What Should I Do to Get My Ex Back

2009-10-24T16:18:00.000+01:00

When you break up with somebody you love, you go through lots of painful emotions. You feel sad, depressed & hurt, & you miss them. "What should I do to get my ex back?" becomes a query you constantly ask yourself. There are lots of web-sites, books, blogs, forums & even courses designed to reply to the query, what should I do to get my ex back? But common sense can make a difference after a breakup. & common courtesy can go long way toward healing your relationship.

If you are preoccupied with your lost relationship, wondering "what should I do to get my ex back?" then follow this simple advice. You will give yourself the best chance of getting back together with that special somebody.

Don't be mean. This holds true in any situation or any relationship, but sometimes the anger around a breakup makes us act more viciously than they normally might. Even if you are hurt, the fact that you need to know, “What should I do to get my ex back?” shows that you are ready to forgive that person. If you could not, you would not need your ex back, you'd be glad it was over.

Now, think about how you have been acting. If you were your ex, would you look forward to spending time with you or talking to you? Or would you dread each time? Do you shout & nag? Even if you feel like raising all kinds of arguments, basically don't. Work hard at controlling your anger & hurt, & being a person they can miss.

"What should I do to get my ex back?" Be on your best behavior & make your ex remember what drew them to you in the first place.
They'll remember your lovely points & will miss them. Then you'll have a better chance of being able to get back together with your ex.
These are the beginning steps in winning your Ex back. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. jealous at the thought of you being with someone else that they want you back. Or they could decide that since you moved on so quickly, you don't really care about them anyway. You have no way of knowing which way this ploy will work until it's too late.

Reasons Why Relationships Fail

2009-10-23T17:12:00.000+01:00

Failed relationships are one of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life. Working on successful relationships, whether they are with our children, parents, friends or partners, is one of the most important life skills we can learn. If we cannot maintain lasting relationships, we will always struggle to be happy.

To make matters worse, much of what we've learned about relationships, from romance novels, TVs, movies, or talking with friends--is just plain wrong!

The idea that two people meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after is one of the biggest myths ever perpetrated on Western civilization. The real truth is two people meet, fall in love, begin living together, and then do just about everything they can to diminish and destroy their love for each other.

This article looks at some common reasons why once harmonious relationships break down. If we know why relationships are liable to break down we can avoid the pain involved.

VERBAL ABUSE / VIOLATE - When one or both partners use verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other's person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other's property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.

SELFISHNESS - Selfishness is the root of all relationship problems. When we are selfish we think of ourselves first and foremost. We ignore the needs of others and become ego centric. Ego centric people are never easy to live with; they tend to be a drain on relationships. When we are selfish we want the praise, support and backing of others; but, we are not willing to give anything in return.

BE UNFAITHFUL - Forget the vows and promises you made to each other. Go behind your partner's back and do something you know they wouldn't appreciate. Justify your behavior by saying "those promises were made in the past. Things are different now."

I'm not talking only about sexual infidelity. People often engage in all sorts of major and minor transgressions, even though they aren't conducive to healthy, enduring relationships. Unfortunately, many let their relationships deteriorate so far, they convince themselves such behavior is justified, make no mistake about it.

Violating one of the sacred agreements of your relationship, whether or not that agreement was openly stated or just plain understood, is a sure-fire way to kill a troubled union. If your relationship wasn't dead before you decided to commit such an unfaithful act, it probably will be.

Key Secrets to Restoring Trust in a Relationship

2009-10-21T20:10:00.000+01:00

Three key secrets to restoring trust in a relationship are a major shift in your actions also a positive in your attitude. The level of trust will need to be rebuilt by both of you as a couple. There's a reason why you felt you needed to cheat. You must dig deep to discover that secret & permit it to surface so that you know what you are dealing with. You would not have felt the need to cheat if you were truly happy in the relationship, would you?

Of work, you probably already know that restoring trust in a relationship after an affair can be an extremely difficult task. Some people believe that the only option is to finish the relationship when someone has cheated. I don't agree with that one folks. What if there was a way to get past the cheating, fix the underlying problem in the relationship & bring back the love & magic you three times knew? As you read every word of this article, you will start to see that every relationship can be saved if both people willing to give their all to make it work!

What was it you were looking for or trying to find that the person you had the affair with possessed? The first key step is figuring out & understanding the reason you cheated, but more importantly, you need to now take action on fixing what it was that was broken or missing.

One of the other key secrets to restoring trust is beginning with small promises. Make a small promise & keep it. This could be as simple as promising to empty the dishwasher every morning, & then actually following through with that & emptying the dishwasher every morning. When you prove to her that she can trust you with the small promises, her trust will grow as time goes on to believe you for the sizable promises .

On a positive note, you can use this to learn from & grow from, both individually & as a couple. Use this as an opportunity for your relationship to grow even stronger & closer.

It won't be easy for her to forgive & forget, be understanding with her three times you've apologized & reassured her that you love her & will not cheat again. You violated her trust & that is something that will need a tiny bit of time & reassurance to heal from. be patient with her, it will be worth it in the finish.

These are a few of the key secrets to restoring trust in a relationship.

One of the key secrets to restoring a relationship after an affair is that it will take time, an modification in attitudes, & understanding. The payoff is a stronger, closer relationship than ever before.

Don't Panic

2009-10-17T10:38:00.000+01:00

You probably feel pretty bad right now. In fact, since the moment you broke up with your ex, you may have been feeling sad, lonely, depressed, angry, foolish, desperate, panicky, frustrated, guilty, unmotivated, tired, without energy--and
every possibly combination thereof.

The worst thing you can do when you are in this state is try to get back in contact with your ex. In your condition you will be more likely to...
- Fabricate stories
- Try to push their buttons
- Try to make them jealous
- Say mean things
- Act like a stalker
- Try to bring up past arguments
- Get revenge

When you are in a weakened emotional state, these behaviors might seem perfectly rational. But the truth is, each of these is a great way to shoot yourself in the foot & drive you & your ex further apart.

The fact is, the only way you can get back together with an ex is by taking time after the breakup to work through the emotions & let yourself come up
with a plan that is based on reason & logic, not emotion & negativity.

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you attempt to make any contact with your ex for at least 30 days from the break up. No phone calls, emails, visits, texts, or any other form of contact. In the next email you will learn how to put the time you have to yourself to nice use.
Until then, consider beginning a journal or a personal blog for the next thirty days. Whenever you feel like contacting your ex, write down your thoughts & feelings. Six times you have a chance to read back your thoughts & feelings, you will be able to analyze them objectively.

Ways to build a trusting relationship

2009-10-10T16:37:00.000+01:00

I will present to you 7 solid ways to build a trusting relationship. Plenty of times, what they think of first aren't what makes a relationship work. For example, you don't always require to spice things up. Most important in any relationship is certainty & routine. The seven methods that follow will guarantee to enhance your love by strengthening the level of trust in your relationship.

1st, there needs to be predictability as stated in the opening paragraph. The elderly notion of "stirring things up" for the sake of keeping the romance alive is elderly school. Going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be good, sure, but most of all, things require to be constant & rock steady in order to make relationships work. Being reliable day in & day out is what relationship trust is built on.

2nd, make sure that your words match the message, meaning that your body language your words must convey the same thing to your partner. As an example, if you say you are happy but you aren't smiling, your partner won't hear the words; they or he will see your face & hear the tone in your voice. Above all, your partner has to be able to trust in what you speak. Your words should match your message to help build the trust in a relationship.

3rd, you must have a basic belief in your partner's capability. With out it you cannot build the trust a relationship needs. Caringly communicated, the truth is seldom negative. If you doubt the capability of your partner at handling things you will violate the trust in a relationship.

5th, let your partner know exactly what your needs are. Do not make them guess what you require. Let them know. It is actually okay to be a tiny self-centered as long as you aren't selfish. If you are hesitant to state your needs, you could slip in the other direction smothering your partner.

4th, seldom keep secrets. Secrets can absolutely demolish the trust in a relationship. You require to be honest & open. Presume every secret you have will finally come out. Hiding secrets requires giant energy to keep. That's valuable energy you could be using to build a stronger relationship.

6th, know when to say no. If your partner states his or her needs, that's good. However, don't say yes to everything. Your partner will finally dis-respect you if you seldom say no. Not allowing you self to be conquered by your partners will in point of fact builds trust in a relationship.

7th, strive for growth. When you sow a seed, you start by digging in the dirt. "Digging in the dirt" of our relationships can occasionally cause discomfort & pain. It is through this pain, that they strengthen our relationship for future growth. Don't discourage turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the "fertilizer" for growth. Embrace the difficulties they only lead to a strengthened bond.

When building trust in a relationship, you will come on some pain. However, as you work you way through this pain, you will become stronger as individuals, & strengthen your relationship for the better.

How To Stop My Divorce

2009-10-09T17:28:00.000+01:00

In relationships feelings and emotions might alter in a run. They get stronger; they might fade away as well. Sometimes they make decision to finish relationship...If you were the one who made the decision to finish the marriage and now you wonder, how can I stop my divorce? You should realize that you are in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationships. You'll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology. Portray that you acted hastily and that now you regret it. Portray that you no longer need the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong. This might seem a difficult step, but it's necessary. Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it's a nice idea, . When you need to know, "How to stop my divorce," you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong. Unless they have had a lot of time and reason to pick that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake. If you are wondering, "How can I stop my divorce when I didn't need it in the first place," then you have your work cut out for you. You can portray, without judgment or accusations, that you reckon the marriage is worth saving and that you don't need a divorce. Chances are that you have done this, over five times. But the way you say it can make a difference. It's important for you to be mature and calm about it. That is not always easy to do. Divorce is painful and an emotional thing. But it's one thing to cry while explaining that you need to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve in to hysterics. If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you are giving him or her even more reason to need to get away from you. If you need to learn 'how to stop my divorce' you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place. You also have to be willing to work on your relationship problems. You must agree that the relationship can't go back to the way it was, but must alter for the better. Suggest marital counselling. Portray, "I need to stop my divorce," but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you are ready to make them better.